Tuesday morning a dear friend Hannah and I walked the boys to this cute little park in our neighborhood. While Eli was literally falling asleep while sitting up in his swing (flashback to my 8 am Art Appreciation Class at PC) I was pushing Ty man on the swing. At about the 2 count of our “3,2,1…Blast off!” routine, Ty slipped right out of the swing and fell, landing directly on his back. It was one of his best falls yet and completely knocked the wind out of him. While I was holding him, trying to comfort him, I kept asking him if he wanted some juice or even one of his beloved “Spida-man” fruit snacks. His response was simple, but to me it was so profound. He kept saying, “No, Mamma I hold you.”
My heart immediately sank as I thought how rarely I respond that way to the Lord or to others when I am in pain. He did not want things, he just wanted to be close to someone who loved him. Lord, I am so sorry that I usually beg for the proverbial fruit snack, the things, the gifts that you might provide to comfort me in pain; all you want me to do is want to be with you, near you, trusting you, knowing that no matter what happens, as long as I am being held by you, things will be okay.
It really was a sweet moment, not only with Tyus but more so with the Lord. And, of course, the lesson was perfectly timed, as only 2 days later, my friends and I got the sad news that our best friend’s father was just diagnosed with a serious disease. When we got the news, I was tempted to ask the Lord for things for them first, rather than just His arms to hold them and us. This is a quick poem I wrote as I wrestled through the brokenness of our bodies and our hearts on this fallen globe.
As Sorrowful But Always Rejoicing
The weather without today mirrors the weather within;
The clouds covered the sun just as sorrow ambushed my grin.
I just got news of another loved one fraught with bodily sickness;
Sobriety silenced me as I remembered this life and its quickness.
God never intended these earthly bodies He knit to decay,
But they feel the Fall and its consequences more everyday.
Disease, degeneration, and death are so hard for us to understand,
But we wrestle with One bearing scars on each foot and hand.
A heavy diagnosis puts our hope back in its proper place,
Reminds us a truer life awaits at the end of this earthly race.
“As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing,” Paul described the Christian life,
For we know a deeper joy than even the deepest human strife.
Father, train our tired eyes to see beyond this earthly sphere,
In the meantime, remind us that you left the Holy Spirit here.
Even as I was doubting your goodness despite all you have done,
You sent a gentle reminder that you’re the loving Sovereign One.
Tears filled my eyes as I saw the vivid rainbow stretch above,
You quieted my heart as I taught my sons of the promise of Your love.