So, it is 11 pm, and I am having trouble sleeping. This is a problem seeing as I am mother of two highly active boys and normally the pillow and I have great chemistry, even as early as 9 pm. I just realized that I have been having a hard time falling asleep because I am struggling with adult separation anxiety. Not sure what Piaget and his croonies would have to say about that, but it is true nonetheless. The source of this late onset separation anxiety? A trip I am so excited about.
The Lord has opened up an opportunity for G and I to travel out to San Diego, California next week to investigate the city and some local campuses for upcoming Spring Break and summer projects. So fun, right? I signed on with little to no hesitation, giddy about extended time with my husband, an adventure in California, a chance to rest a little. Don’t get me wrong, I am still very excited about and grateful for these gifts from the Lord; however, it is just recently hitting me that I will be leaving the boys for like 5 days. My sweet mom will be with them here in Greenville, and I know they will be just fine. They always have a blast with Mamie and barely realize we are gone. But it is not them I am worried about.
Those two little boys, whose combined weight is probably 60 pounds at best, hold so much of my life and my heart. It is hard to realize it in the day to day busyness, potty training, incessant making of PB&J sandwiches, and the bed time procrastination ritual my boys have now gotten down to a science; but those little guys mean so much to me it is scary.
This is so good for me, as it reminds me that they are not mine, but His; they are ours for a season to guide and care for and train and love, but I cannot micromanage their lives, be there for every little moment of sadness or excitement or even every “first.” God is so gracious to remove my false sense of control and security with them for a few short days to remind me that only He is truly in control of their lives. He has their days lovingly numbered, He knows who they will become. There is no safer place for them to be than in His hands and in His loving plan.