I feel like these days come without rhyme or reason. Nothing has really changed from the day before, only my heart droops down and, even though I know all the right answers, I cannot make it arise. Ahhh! As much as I hate days like these, they do make me broken and humbled and more ready to listen to the Lord. I love that I have a sweet husband who knows that when I get like this, we should go out to dinner as a family and sit outside, because fresh air does something to calm my crazy heart. I love that we got free chips at Chicora Alley and that we went on a short walk as a family. I love that being with my senior girls reminded me of how richly God has blessed and helped me snap out of it! Most of all, I love the Lord that ordains all my days, the great and the not-so-great. I wrote this poem about these kind of days….
I find myself restlessly running from event to event,
The tyranny of the urgent never seems to relent
Until you break through the cycle with loving intent,
And the gap between reality and my desires you present.
In the darker chapters of life, the chasm was so clear
But now that the pages have turned, the aching isn’t as near.
At times you eclipse my regular joy because you hold me dear.
The darkness forces me into the gap again to peer.
It’s the gap between inconsolable desires, real yet difficult to trace
And even the greatest experiences of the human race.
Our longings for a better country nothing here can erase;
This gap can only be filled with God’s amazing grace.
There exists yet another gap that you lovingly lay bare
Between my earnest future intentions to love, to serve and to care
And the good that I actually do when the present brings me there.
Despite this gap, God looks on me as a child and an heir.
You knew about these chasms but no man could be found
To stand as mediator between the earth and Holy Ground
So you came came to earth as man, a mystery profound
And your blood filled every gap; May we your praises sound!