What do I have in common with Hagar? Not much externally, but I felt like the Lord used her experience in Genesis to patch me up and send me back out into motherhood.

It was bound to happen. Maybe I shouldn’t have devoured John Steinbeck’s heavy novel East of Eden in a week. Maybe I should have gone to bed earlier, but life was bound to catch up with me. Living in limbo for nine plus months as we transition to San Diego, trying as hard as I can to be a sweet and loving and patient momma to two needy little boys, G traveling so much. It all came to a breaking point when the boys wouldn’t take their afternoon naps. Unfortunate, yes. Worth weeping over? No.

The Lord was obviously bringing me to the end of myself yet again. As I was sitting on the couch, crying, and praying, the Lord reminded me of Hagar’s story. Reminded me of how she was tired, she was alone, she was wandering in the wilderness with the demands of caring for her child, even though she was empty, thirsty, and alone. Reminded me of how He gently came to her, told her He saw her, knew her needs, knew the demands on every side, knew her tiredness. Reminded me of how He wouldn’t let her run away from her post, from her circumstances. Reminded me of how He patched her up and sent her back with promises and His presence to sustain her. Reminded me of how He opened up a well unseen to her, supplying her needs and comforting her so she could comfort her son.

It’s not that I look forward to failing and being exhausted as a wife and a momma, but I have a love/ hate relationships with days like yesterday. Hate that it wears me out, hate that is takes days to recover. Love that He meets with me and reminds of HIs sweet and lavished grace. Love how He fills me back up to send me back out into the lot He has so graciously apportioned for me. It’s good to come to the end of myself.

Hagar and I

Like Hagar in the wilderness
My soul has run aground.
It seems we are weeping here,
With no one else around.

Weeping out of tiredness,
For needs crying to be met.
The demands are more than I have
And much more than I can get.

Here I am, empty and tired, yet
Others still depend on me.
I know not what to do as
Damned-up tears run free.

The needs seem to mount,
Closing in on every side.
I’ve no one else to turn to,
To my God alone I confide.

Surface thoughts give way
To honest, urgent cries.
Hagar and I feel all alone,
But He hears our heavy sighs.

It is tempting to run away
From where my lot lies.
He won’t change His orders,
But He will give new supplies.

I want to avoid my post
Where all I do is fail.
He won’t succumb to me,
I wrestle with no avail.

He sits and cries with me,
As with Hagar He conversed.
And I know He’ll send me back,
But He renews His promises first.

What is the matter, Aimee?
Why do sit in such despair?
You cry as one dying of thirst,
Do you not see the well over there?

This well of water ever flows,
To those who will come nigh.
Not only will they have their fill
But others will share their supply.

Oh, open up the well unseen,
For I am empty, tired, dry.
Oh, God of Hagar’s tears,
Please listen to my cry.

I can’t do this lest you give me
Every single drop I’ll need.
Overflow, this, my vessel,
On your mercy I will plead.

Oh, feed and supply my needs,
Then, Lord, help me to provide
For these ones entrusted to me,
Who are ever walking at my side.